FBF#1 – Facebook Official

Making Sean’s death “facebook official” was something I did not do right away … I didn’t know how much information I was going to put on fracebook, in other words, I did not know if I was going to say suicide or not.

The first post on facebook was the day after his death;

This was taken at the Sacramento County Fair on Sunday, May 26, 2013

This was taken at the Sacramento County Fair on Sunday, May 26, 2013 — with Sean, Allison and Dylan Ladd

The people who knew what had happened, would understand the significance.

 

I kept getting messages on facebook, by text and phone calls. I still was not ready to talk to people or go “facebook official” so my next post was June 2, 2013;

Want to say thank u to everyone for their messages, texts, calls and prayers. They are welcomed and GREATLY appreciated during such a devastating time. Please know that when I am able, I will respond. Thank u all and please continue to keep us in ur prayers.
Love, Tavia, Alli and Dylan

Finally, on June 7, 2013 … Sean’s death was made “facebook official

May 30, 2013, my world changed forever. The love at my life, the father of my children, my husband and best friend, passed away. Sean and I had a very rocky marriage, to say the least, but love was the one thing we NEVER lacked. My heart is broken. lt will be forever scarred, as will my children’s. He was such an amazing man. kind, caring, compassionate, smart, funny, handsome, a wonderful father, an amazing friend, a hard worker and he will be greatly missed by many. Please understand that the details, are not something I wish to openly discuss via Facebook.

My next post

This is one of my favorite pictures of Sean. Spring 2010 Program — at Penryn Oaks Preschool.

And then June 16, 2013 came …

Father’s Day 

Happy Fathers Day to all of the wonderful dad’s out there. Sean was such an amazing husband, father, friend, and all around person. He is dearly missed, each and every day. We love you and miss you. RIP

And the final facebook post I will share with you, is the one that I posted the day of Sean’s memorial.

The date was June 22, 2013.

Sean 10 years ago today, June 22, 2003, I became your wife … And today, June 22, 2013, our family and friends will gather at your favorite racetrack, to celebrate your life … Even tho we were legally divorced this year on March 29, in my heart you are still my husband, because even after 13 years, a million arguments, 2 kids, over 15 moves, 2 states, 13 birthdays and probably 5 split ups, we still found our way back to each other, each and every time. We had a love like no other … A once in a lifetime kind of love … Everyone told us we were crazy for it, that we were toxic together. Some family and friends even chose to walk away from us because we decided to try again and again … None of that matters anymore tho, because the emptiness I feel inside is stronger than anything I’ve ever felt before. I can’t fall asleep in your arms tonite. I can’t tell you that no matter what, I always have and always will love you with all of my heart and soul, and that I will do whatever it takes to make our dreams a reality. Never in a million years did I ever think this day would come. You were so many things to me … My husband, my lover, the father of my kids, and my best friend. And no matter the situation, the person or the year, nothing could ever come between us and keep us apart, because first and foremost, we were best friends. There are not many moments that go by, that I don’t think about you. I miss you so much it hurts … I wish things could have been different, I wish life wouldn’t have been so hard for us, but I still wouldn’t change a thing, and will cherish our time together until the day I die … Everyone always heard about the bad times, but I have memories of the good … I know and remember the man who loved me and our children more than anything. The man who treated me like a princess and always tried his hardest to provide a good life for the kids and I. My best friend, who could make me smile when I wanted to be mad, who I could talk to for hours about nothing at all, and the one person I would give anything to see one more time. I have no doubts that you are no longer afraid. I believe you are still with us, watching over the kids and I, like you’ve always promised. I will keep your memory alive always. I will tell the kids about all of our good times together and I will never let them forget you, no matter what. Love you bye Until we meet again Schmoopy … I love you more than words. Nancy, I couldn’t have gotten thru the first hour, let alone the first week, without you. Words could never express my gratitude. Love u Monica and Jessica, thank you for opening up your home, couch and lives to me, at a time when I don’t want to be alone. Nikki, Thank you for just being you. I will see you soon! Brandie, Thank you for all of your help with the house, and for being the contact person for the school! It really meant a lot. Thank you. Patt, Thank you for everything you have done for us over the years. I may doubt myself every now and then, but its only for a fleeting moment. I truly believe that we both did the very best we could, with what little knowledge we had, and both of us wanted nothing but the best for him and did all we could, only because we loved him so much. I imagine the pain you feel every day is similar to the pain I feel, in think … All I know, is that a mother should never have to live thru the death of a child. Im so sorry. — with Sean Ladd.

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