My 7 year old wants to know why

Last night, my 7 year old son, broke down and just started crying. He wanted to know, “why did he (daddy) do it?!”

Absolutely breaks my heart.

I cried with him, and told him that his daddy was sick, and that he honestly thought he was protecting us, and that he thought that we would all be better off without him, in the end.

Dylan’s response; He was stupid! How could he think that?!

I told him that daddy wasn’t stupid. Daddy’s brain was playing tricks on him to make him think things that weren’t real.

He proceeded to cry and be mad for a while, then winding down, just enuf to go to bed.

Nights like that I get so mad at him!! And then I remember, that wasn’t really him at all …


Halloween, last year


Putting up decorations, 2012


Thats a big pumpkin! 2012


2012 - He was always so patient

I don’t know how to be him. I can’t even try. I won’t. So this year, there will not be any cool pumpkin carving. There will just be mommy with a Sharpie!

The Life Of Faith

One comment

  1. I know EXACTLY how you feel. I get so-o mad at him. Halloween was really tough. I had both physical and mental reactions to his absence. The more I miss him, the angrier I get. Knowing he had a mental disorder doesn’t always help.
    My heart is forever broken, for myself, you, and the kids.

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